David Garrett: Rock Symphonies

“Only those artists can afford to do crossover who have already made a name for themselves in the classical music scene.” David Garrett sets high quality standards. And he knows what he is talking about. In Fall 2007 the recording artist made his appearance in Germany with the release of his crossover album Virtuoso and he has been redefining standards in the classic and crossover scene step by step ever since. The native of Aachen, son of a German jurist and an American prima ballerina, can allow himself to sound out the limits. After all, at age 30, he already looks back on a matchless career. He gets his first violin at age four and makes his first appearance with the Hamburg Philharmonics at the early age of ten. At age thirteen he is the youngest artist to be awarded an exclusive contract with the Deutsche Grammophon Gesellschaft.

In 1999, at the height of his career, the shooting star redirects his energy, deciding to leave his predetermined path as a classical violinist and move to New York– not to take a time-out but rather to place his musical proficiency on a theoretical foundation and perfect his technique. He enrolls at the prestigious Julliard School, studying musicology and composition. Instruction with Itzhak Perlmann lends his performance completely new facets. David Garrett’s particular enthusiasm for studying composition earns him a distinction in 2003 when he wins the renowned Composition Competition of Julliard School with a fugue composed in the style of Johann Sebastian Bach. In doing so, he lays the foundation for what have become legendary arrangements. His highly esteemed American composition teacher Eric Ewazen has said of him “As a violinist, his spectacular, heartfelt and expressive playing already dazzled– even when he was a student– those of us who had the great pleasure of teaching him, and we recognized his extraordinary gifts and his amazing talent.”

Since completing his studies, the visionary violinist has committed himself to a clearly defined goal– introducing young people to the classics and kindling enthusiasm for reputedly serious music. Combining classical elements with those of pop and rock as well as rhythm and blues is a means to this end. “Regarding the crossover pieces I arrange, I strive to attain a level of performance at least equal to that expected of classical works. When another violinist looks at one of my scores he must say “The violin part is damned good. It is so difficult I’d have to practice it for hours before being able to play it.” Concerning his ambitions, David Garrett puts it succinctly. “You have to be a world-class violinist in order to record a good crossover CD.

This poses an even greater challenge than classical music does because you want to present things to your listeners in a completely new light while putting on a superb violinist’s performance. The great virtuosos from Paganini to Heifetz did just that. Anything else would be merely mindless commercialism.”

Whereas many conservative contemporaries wonder whether uncompromising excellence and popularity, art and commerce can or may even be reconciled, David Garrett long ago proved that it is possible, enthralling listeners of all ages. The same new, incredibly electrifying spirit pervades lofty philharmonic halls holding sold-out classical concerts and open-air arenas staging crossover programs. The people sense that they are being taken seriously, that a person is performing who approaches the task with utmost discipline while creating an awareness for various musical genres and styles. Garrett’s desire to diminish the awe of classical music felt by young audiences in particular, to spark a whirlwind in the music scene while striving to sweep as many people off their feet as he possibly can is fulfilled to an overwhelming degree.

David Garrett is not only a technically brilliant recording artist who has received the praise and support of such eminent violin virtuosos as Isaac Stern, Yehudi Menuhin and in particular Ida Haendel. His greatness is also reflected in his mental countenance. As one of the few classically versed artists he has an undistorted perspective on tradition and modernity. Thinking in terms of fixed categories is foreign to him. “In my eye, the Paganinis, Liszts and Chopins of the 19th century were the world’s first rock stars,” he says.

Garrett knows the secrets of great music and understands that the more substance a work has, the more possibilities an artist has to make it his own and place it in new contexts. “Bach arranged Vivaldi and Mozart arranged Turkish marches. Beethoven wanted to enchant the masses too, employing musical means to this end. Great composers have always incorporated elements which were popular in their day and there is nothing reprehensible about that.” Thus his musical expertise inspired him to interlace Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal with Mozart’s Turkish March– and he did so long before Michael Jackson’s death, before the world had even begun to pay tribute to this exceptional talent.

David Garrett sets trends of his own because he is also ahead of his time. And yet he knows that talent and a command of one’s instrument do not suffice alone if one is to intellectually and spiritually penetrate a work and gain a grasp of it. A background knowledge of music theory enables the well-traveled artist to analyze and scrutinize scores.

“Many great works are unbelievably rich in diverse possibilities. A certain passage in Mozart’s Turkish March and one in Smooth Criminal have almost the same harmonic progression. This goes to show that apart from instrumentalization, music has hardly changed at all over the past 250 years. We continue to work with the same material.” Only this mixture of perfectionism and openness, thoroughgoingness and foresight explain the overwhelming success which David Garrett has had since the release of Virtuoso. With this recording the artist presented the public with his vision of how various musical styles can be creatively fused on a high artistic level without compromising musical standards.

The succession of his own compositions interspersed with arrangements of classical pieces ranging from the virtuoso “Paganini Rhapsody,” based on Caprice No. 24 by Niccolò Paganini, to the emotionally intense rock classic “Nothing Else Matters” by “Metallica” stunned the music world. Advocates and critics sparked off a dialogue about musical orientations which has rekindled and refocused interest in how music communicates itself.

The artist was rewarded with an ECHO Classic 2008 in the category “Classic without Borders.” The “Encore” followed fast on this first success in October 2008, even surpassing the former release as a follow-up album. In the USA, “David Garrett” stayed number one in the classical and classical crossover charts for months. With the album “Classic Romance”, released in November 2009, the violin virtuoso returned to classic turf. He created a special, very personal CD centering around Mendelssohn’s violin concerto, accompanied by seven small works from the Classic and Romantic periods. “Classic Romance” had an enormous resonance, winning Garrett the ECHO Classic 2010 in the category “Bestseller of the Year”.

“Classical music is where my heart lies and I am elated that I succeed in bringing my message across to the audience.” In June 2010 all previous musical activities of the star violinist culminated in a further exciting challenge: Rock Symphonies. At the legendary concert at Park Wuhlheide in Berlin, David Garrett delivered an unprecedentedly individual “musical address” to his multi-generational audience. Classics from all epochs– from the Baroque Age to modern times, from Bach to Nirvana– are presented in a newly arranged symphonic idiom... which is brilliant.

Once again his courage to embrace new things was rewarded. In 2011 he received no less than two ECHO awards for his “Rock Symphonies”. The DVD “David Garrett: Rock Symphonies– Open Air Live” was distinguished in the category “Best Domestic DVD Production” and as “Best Artist” in the category “Rock/Pop Domestic”. “To date,” Garrett says, “‘Rock Symphonies’ is my most extraordinary and ambitious project. For this reason I look forward to getting together with the guys in my band, the orchestra and the audience on the 2011 Tour. For me, these people are all part of one large musical family.”

More Daytime Turmoil

Okay soap opera fans... get ready for more bad news. Our story has not, nor do we believe it will be, confirmed by anyone at the network. Just a few weeks after ABC stunned viewers by announcing it would cancel daytime mainstays All My Children and One Life to Live, for reality TV programming, our insiders are telling us that the network plans to cut General Hospital from the daytime lineup by the fall of 2012, quite possibly even earlier than this for a talk show hosted by Katie Couric. This information came to us from the same source that gave us the heads up on AMC and OLTL. Essentially, Brian Frons, the head of ABC Daytime is sharpening up the chainsaws and has already called a number of clandestine meetings with his staff to discuss what he calls the network's "next bold innovation" for daytime programming.

Our source has told us that Couric's talks for a new talk show with CBS have come to a grinding halt and she is headed to ABC in a deal that will have the network bean counters shelling out $25 million plus for the soon-to-be former host of the CBS Evening News. It isn't actually much of a shock that The CBS Evening News is becoming more and more of a moot point given the fact that 99% of the audience is pulling news stories up in "real time" either from the Internet or at least 2 cable network news networks which update breaking stories throughout the day. So unless something happens at 6:59 p.m., the nightly news is nothing more than a "recap". The demographic for the CBS Evening News is between 50 and 70 years of age and has continued to erode over the last 5 years. Factor in the massive "Oprah Void" and you have a basic outline as to where ABC is headed with Katie Couric.

Despite ABC's assurances they are not signing a deal with Couric and that General Hospital will be around for "a long time", we're not convinced that this is the case... and with good reason— ABC previously issued the exact same assurances as recently as last year— that both All My Children and One Life to Live were safe from cancellation and we all saw how that turned out. If General Hospital is cancelled that will leave the remaining three daytime serials in a dire situation. We're speculating that CBS will be the next to break out the axe with The Young & The Restless and The Bold & The Beautiful simultaneously being cut from the line-up as both shows feed into one another and it's highly unlikely that CBS will only cancel one of them. This leaves us with NBC and Days of Our Lives. The fact that Days pulls in a younger demographic "may" keep it on life support for a bit longer but with Comcast's recent purchase of NBC/Universal, all bets are off the table.

Make no mistake about it, the daytime landscape continues to wane and we are not at all pleased with the outcome. Daytime Soap Operas have become phenomena; successes overseas and if you add the Internet, there are a TON of options. But we're not dealing with "visionaries". Brian Frons has never been behind the genre and had no intention of saving it. Networks are extremely short-sighted right now. They are not seeing "the big picture" or the endless possibilities still remaining to be explored and utilized by Daytime Soaps. Foreign syndication, especially in Europe and Asia, is a wide open market with more than enough revenues to keep the shows profitable. But the "suits" don't have time to research and understand this uncharted territory. To them, the Earth remains flat.

Wallowing in Denial

Denial may be conceptualized as an attempt to reject unacceptable feelings, needs, thoughts, wishes— or even a painful external reality that alters the perception of ourselves. No way!", then as strange as it may sound you may actually be showing the first signs of living in denial. Denial is something that anyone and everyone is susceptible to. While it won't kill you, it can certainly dampen your day, your job, and your life. Does that sound alarming? It most definitely should and, if you are starting to have doubts, here are some of the most important signs which can help you realize if you are living in denial or not:

I Am Above Failure— So you think that you are somehow far too talented, hard-working or knowledgeable and that everything you touch will turn into gold? Sorry to burst your bubble there, but we humans are flawed by nature so that, my friend, I'm afraid that you may just be living in denial if you have such a way of thinking.

It's Impossible to Take Me by Surprise— If you think that being taken by surprise is impossible if you have everything planned then I have one questions: how is life in that fantasy world of yours treating you? Yes, planning ahead is always recommended but thinking that you can actually be able to prepare for absolutely everything is just plain foolish on your part.

I'm Never at Fault— Others are always at fault, aren't they? You keep doing everything right and they just ruin things for you, do they? Sorry to have to say this, but not assuming responsibility is one of the most obvious signs that you are living in denial.

Everything Has an Excuse— "I'm not going to do this because..." "I would have done that, if not for..." Do you somehow manage to find excuses for everything? Good for you, maybe you will find someone who pays you for that, but for the time being, your attitude is yet another sign that you are simply living in a fantasy world.

Everyone Else is Wrong— Are all of the people who don't agree with you clueless? Are they that ignorant, can't they understand your brilliance? I'm sorry but, if that's the way you see things, I am afraid that the problem lies elsewhere. It's not with everyone else.

It's All One Big Conspiracy I Tell You— Does it seem that everyone and their dog is working against you? Are you just a poor innocent victim in what seems to be one huge conspiracy against you? In that case, have you considered getting some help? No, everyone is not conspiring against you, and it's about time you stopped living in denial and started seeing how things actually stand. Give it a little thought. Do any of these apply to you?

The Moment of Detachment

One of the current theories about time is that it is like an illusion in that our mind wants us to think time passes in order to explain change. But, in fact, it might well be that time doesn’t pass at all, that every moment is eternal by itself. Every moment that ever was, still is, but goes somewhere else. Each moment is unique and doesn’t evolve into the next. That’s a theory consistent with what we’re hearing about with mediation. That’s a now a physics theory, a part of quantum mechanics. Quantum physics has no time, it is blind to it unless intentionally spliced in. So it cannot help you travel in time or save time or revisit a time.

The more you’re in the moment, the less you are worried because what people anguish about is not the moment they’re in but the last moment and the next moment coming. In this particular moment they’re worrying but they’re not worrying about this moment they’re just in it worrying— they’re worrying about the next. The more you live in each moment, the less that baggage is putting stress on you. Even done simply it helps a lot. Meditation is not so much of getting anything, as it is of letting go of something. I think that humans are in a constant state of flux, that we are definitely better people at some times than others. I know that I personally have achieved a level of maturity that I can live simply by releasing my attachment to the outcome, staying firmly rooted in each and every moment.

There are more advantages to being in the moment besides being able to decrease mind made suffering. Some of those advantages are: Clarity. When you are in the moment you have a much better focus and things flow naturally out of you. This is very useful in conversations, at work, while writing or while on the tennis court.    Calmness. You feel centered, relaxed and whatever you do you do more easily. Since you are not projecting into a possible future or reflecting on previous experiences there is very little fear holding you back. Positivity. Since there is little fear, there are few negative emotions when you are in the present. Instead you move around on the positive part of the emotional scale.

It’s easy to get stuck in a loop of old memories. You may want to move away from them but there is a feeling there that brings them back over and over. So you need to decrease the power that feeling has over you. And you don’t do it by fighting it. You do it by surrendering to it. The feeling is a loop within your mind that you are feeding with more energy by resisting it. When you accept the feeling then you stop feeding it and it vanishes. How? Say yes to the feeling. Surrender and let it in. Observe the feeling in your mind and body without labeling or judging it. If you let it in— for me the feeling then often seems to physically locate itself to the middle of my chest— and just observe it…  the feeling just vanishes. It is all about observing and releasing.

If you look at the whole thing from an objective point of view, these are just heuristics. Meaning, they’re just analytical frameworks or models of thinking that confer the greatest survival and replication advantage. The man (or woman) who is genuinely indifferent is probably that way because they have no fear of loss. Evolutionarily speaking, this is usually because they have a large supply of resources (connections, power, food, money, mates, etc.) at their disposal.

The Rolling Stones must have been philosophers when they said: “You can’t always get what you want.” And it’s true. But you can always reframe it as a positive. The next time you strive to attain something and don’t get it simply tell yourself: “That means nothing. If ANYTHING, it’s an opportunity to take my life to the next level.” This helps reinforce the idea that a situation’s result is only what it is— and nothing more. You’re programming yourself to be resilient rather than sulky when things turn out contrary to your expectations. In fact, what if you dropped your expectations all together? I’ve experimented with this and I have to say that letting go of your desire for results is hard…very hard! But there are some immediately obvious benefits such as people responding more comfortably to you because they sense you have little or no agenda (or at least, far less than the average person would possess).

Observe that reality is always subjective and notice when things work and when things fail and develop what I call “the detach game.” This is the ability to determine the most prudent course of action at all times based on your ability to let go of it. Think on your feet and whatever happens, don’t worry about the outcome. That’s when detachment becomes a powerful tool.

Letting Go of Repression

Why it is so difficult to let go of anger and pride? And why is it important and necessary that we do so? Both of these feelings are by products of the ego. Someone harms us, taunts us, speaks ill of us and we automatically feel hurt. Our ego, the image that we carry of ourselves is wounded and we feel offended. Similarly pride is also an effect, a by product of the ego. Our achievements, our relationships, the feeling that we are someone special— all this is important to the ego and leads to pride. The ego is that which gives us our separate identity in the world.

This sense of separation is— according to all of the Buddhist teachings— an illusion. This is what causes suffering, pain and fear that we are all subject to. And what is the method to be free? It is awareness. Simply watch your state of mind when you are angry or full of pride. This is not expression of anger, nor it is repression. It transcends both. Simply be aware and you will not even need to consciously let go of these feelings— they will drop away of their own accord. Expression of anger may get us into trouble with the outside world and in our relationships. But repression— not allowing yourself or condemning yourself for feeling angry— is much worse. The poison is not released— it is stored in your body and mind. And sooner or later the volcano of your feelings will erupt— leading to much more harmful expression of your anger than letting it out in small, regular doses.

Being aware means welcoming, accepting and acknowledging the anger. But we do not necessarily express it unless we consciously choose to do so. Even when we express the anger we exercise our choice, we do not feel compelled to do so. We are not overcome by our passions. The behavioral scientist— B. F. Skinner— studied rats in order to understand men and women.

It may seem very demeaning to us that the study of rats should lead to and understanding of human nature. Yet that is a fair comment about the majority of the human race. They do not meditate, they have no self-awareness. They have as little freedom to choose their actions as do rats. Rats react to external stimuli. They are compelled to react in mechanical ways. They do not have a choice and sadly that is true of most of us as well. This however is not true of a Buddha. It is not true of anyone who is self aware, who has a meditative state of mind. To exercise a choice in choosing our mental states and our actions we need a certain amount of detachment. We need some distance between ourselves and the feelings of anger and pride. We need to be able to witness these feeling without reacting, without identifying ourselves with them.

And this choice is available through meditation practice. Just as anger and pride are caused by the ego, so also the ego is caused by unawareness. We will not make progress by dealing with the symptoms— we have to tackle the root cause. And the root cause of the ego, of anger and pride and all our sufferings is a lack of awareness.

Daytime's Supermassive Void

With Oprah Winfrey gone from the playing field, four soap operas left (although that number could quickly change to one, if CBS and ABC decide to abandon the genre altogether)... who and what will fill the supermassive void? It's an interesting dilemma as the 45+ generation have grown rather accustomed to having a stable daytime programming environment. No soap operas will pretty much become the beginning of the end for everyone. And it's really just a matter of time, not necessarily a matter of fans- which the big 3 networks have made abundantly clear as fans have continued to do everything but offer up human sacrifices to save their soaps. And who knows? We're not ruling it out as fans can be as over-the-top as they want to be. There are no rules when it comes to insanity. No Oprah will set in very soon. And once Regis Philbin calls it a "day", the entire landscape of daytime television will be a "free for all" of epic proportions. Where is it all headed? That depends on how you look at it.

It's painfully obvious that no one is willing to pony up production costs, hence the continued extinction and eventual death of the soap opera genre. It's doubtful that we'll see another Oprah rise up from the rubble as 25 years is nothing to sneeze at when it comes to building an Oprah-like, guru, cult, movement that creates a "supermassive black hole" in all of daytime once it's gone. Dr. Oz is wonderful but we don't see him as the "savior" of daytime. Sorry Deb (UPBEAT's Executive Editor). Ellen DeGeneres continues to be a bright spot but again, it's like comparing Titanic to the S.S. Minnow. Winfrey's exit comes during a catastrophic cataclysm in daytime television. You can't just "replace" her and you can't just ignore the audience forever. At some point, network executives have to be fired and replaced with "visionaries", not "suits that count beans".

I like to call Hollywood the home of "ideology brokering", which is inherently all about the power— protecting "us" and winning "them." I suggest that a far more adequate metaphor for our existence after the structuralism of modernity by Hollywood is the "networked age". We find this age interconnected by definition, characterized by disruption through wider connections, holding onto a nuanced continuity in existential and communal identity through a more explicit selection of and innovation within the tradition which the network finds itself constituted by. It is nearly a case of a new cogito— I emerge in the network therefore I am.

What needs to happen (and probably won't) is a change in the way networks "view" and "perceive" their audience. You HAVE TO factor in the Internet. Let's face it, The Neilsen Ratings are becoming more and more of an antiquated joke as they do not reflect the entire audience; they don't even reflect a fragment of the audience. More and more people are trading up television for the Internet. This translates into a "global" audience that wants to INTERACT as opposed to REACT. And we've said this a bagillion times, once the audience gets to decide... they will NEVER EVER go back to not deciding. The audience wants choices, even more choices than they've ever had. With Facebook and Twitter and all of the social networking, which is growing exponentially every minute of every day, the Internet audience is larger, vaster, smarter and far more DIVERSE than the big 3 networks are accustomed to seeing. Gone are the days when focus groups mattered. There is no focus. The directions are endless with more and more technology spilling out milliseconds between their predecessors it's not even plausible to believe you have an edge, let alone a complete thought process. Everything is spiraling around in so many different directions that there really isn't a "precise" method of measuring anything.

Sure, marketing and publicity teams will tell you that they "get it"... but they don't. They have no idea, not even a remote clue as to how they should sell a concept or a show or even the last few words they tweeted. You see, we are rapidly approaching a crossroad. The train is coming at us at full throttle, there are no brakes and we cannot see whether or not there's a cliff or a tunnel in our blind spot. And what exactly is the blind spot? It isn't numerical, it isn't about a "target" demographic anymore... it's about learning to change a thought process that has been in place for decades. People want to be entertained. They adore surprises, whether it's pleasant or gruesomely scary. They don't want to be able to know what is going to happen... they want to be amazed and tossed out of their comfort zones. And how do we do this? Well, it doesn't take A-List actors and actresses; it isn't about explosions and car chases; it isn't about how much gore and blood being used... It's psychological. And we know it when we feel it or see it. It's about instincts and great story-telling. It's about what we can't see, not what we can see. Desperate Housewives plays up our darker desires to feel better at the expense of other people's personal train wrecks. They're all constrained by the exact kind of social pressure that hazing frat boys would find oppressive. Now throw in the GREAT storylines—  and folks… we have lift off.

Alfred Hitchcock will be timelessly synonymous with greatness in the entertainment industry. Because he "got it". He understood that an audience doesn't tune in to see pretty faces or handsome good looks... They watch because they cannot look away. They tune in because they want to know what happens next... they have no idea what might happen next. They hate having their hands held and their thoughts handed to them. They want to guess and be shocked when they guessed wrong. Technology will continue to thrive, it always has, but this time it will be faster, much faster. The simplicity of a well-crafted story or a charismatic, well-versed host isn't rocket science... it's trusting your gut and "knowing"... not that your sponsors might not come back... but that they WILL come back, because the audience dictates this. The audience knows. If one executive walked away from the pack and headed for a Wal-mart or the local bar... and hung around the patrons instead of golfing or playing squash with the other mindless suits... that one executive would change the face of entertainment, much like Oprah once did... much like soap operas once did.

You have to connect with your audience... not disconnect. And that will never change.

Good Day Oprah

Oprah Winfrey's 25-year run as the queen of daytime talk has been more than just amazing. Her "only in America" story has endeared her to fans and made her a force in an international cultural arena, not to mention making her a power broker, a media mogul and a billionaire. She wraps up her highly rated show this week (reruns will extend into September), and the time is clearly right. It's been a great run, and the waves have been kind... but the Oprah touch is not as magical as it once was, with ratings wobbling and PR potholes becoming more and more frequent. We couldn't begin to imagine the spotlights shining so brightly into every single aspect of our lives. No one could hold up forever under the constant marketing storms.

Several PR hits have hurt the Oprah image of infallibility. There has been an abuse scandal at the girls' school she founded in South Africa. Oprah helped promote books by James Frey and Herman Rosenblatt, both of which later turned out to have serious credibility problems. Occasional Oprah guest, pediatrician Mel Levine, became the subject of abuse charges and recently committed suicide.

Oprah's cable network, OWN, premiered earlier this year, more than a year behind the target launch date. It has sputtered with disappointing ratings and un-Oprah-like programming. In a recent published interview, Oprah admitted the channel struggles. "It's not where I want it to be," she said.

So what have we learned from Oprah? That being a charismatic talk show host is not all it's cracked up to be? That you will eventually [in spite of all of your efforts] turn into a "brand" that can either be marketed or treated much like a cult, both of which occurred rather congruently in spite of the efforts to be as humble as humanly possible? Yes.

There. I've said it. Oprah has become the cult brand of pop culture and all that it holds sacred. We tend to adorn celebrities with more accolades and God-like-ness than we should. We begin to believe that our lives WILL change drastically and magically because Oprah said they would. But you see, the one thing that we SHOULD have learned from Oprah... the "positive" lesson in all of the fan fare and confetti and waves of people looking as though The Beatles have just arrived in the US back in February of 1964... We should have learned that fame doesn't matter, in fact, it rarely factors into the blueprint of life. It doesn't buy you a ticket to immortality, it cannot save you from yourself and the choices you make along the way and it doesn't remove your ego from the equation.

Comedian Kathleen Madigan summed it up best in one of her Showtime appearances, Gone Madigan. She said that she couldn't fathom how ANYONE could sit in a room filled with writers and editors for a brand new publication [that being "O"] and deciding that YOU would be on EVERY single cover of the publication without sounding like a narcissistic dictator. Oprah adorned the cover of her magazine with pride. But it wasn't REALLY Oprah on those covers when you think about it... it was a brand that she created who just happened to look exactly like her. 

Oprah entered the daytime television world at an opportune time, when the lineup included whimsically romantic soaps and tepid discussion shows such as "Donahue." Oprah grew up in the South and broadcast from the Midwest, which surely helped her to truly understand a wide range of viewers. She was, at one time, a "real" person [not a brand] who understood the ups and downs of real life, having battled her way out of poverty with an industrious, can-do approach. Oprah was sociable, empathetic, and just as important, NOT perfect. These traits helped her reach viewers across all demographic and socioeconomic boundaries. Viewers liked Oprah because they knew her emotions were real. They knew that she lived where they lived… that her problems were their problems revisited.

Oprah's program had a solid balance of serious and fun topics. She took on challenging social issues with a level of sophistication. Local television affiliates often used the Oprah show as a lead-in to late afternoon newscasts, so it was in their interest to promote Oprah heavily to provide a ratings boost for local news. Oprah's ratings power made her show the place to be for authors, new products, public affairs leaders and flawed celebrities. The Oprah "brand" was marketed beyond television into magazines, satellite radio, motion pictures and the philanthropic world. She spun off talkers, including Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz and Nate Berkus. But even the most popular television shows and personalities eventually rust, and Oprah is/was no exception to that rule. Her ratings have slipped by about a third in the past five years, with even "Judge Judy" providing competition. You see, Oprah, like any other "celebrity" IS human. I can assure you that she sweats, she breathes, she even goes to the bathroom… number one… and number two. The problem arrives when we [much like the sitcoms of the 60s and 70s], remove the bathroom and assume that said celebrity has no bodily functions.

Oprah herself has said, "Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for the moment that is to come." So… to each and every one of you out there I pose this question, "What does that moment mean to you?" For Oprah, I would have to assume it means, "Going home. Watching television in her sweats, without make-up, without spotlights or cameras or an entire production crew… just Oprah, her dog, some munchies, a few trips to the bathroom… as well as the peaceful solitude that arrives when you haven't been expecting it." For some, that means removing the lofty wishes, the Machiavellian manipulations, the wacky schemes and just allowing the silence to wash over them. What can I say? That's life. Good day Oprah, we'll miss your enthusiasm, your optimism... and most of all, your smile.

What is Sexy?

Sex appeal is most notably ambiguous, nebulous, and elusive, yet somehow very real and perceptible, despite its seeming haze. Sex appeal goes beyond the sensuous, but definitely includes the data the senses so dutifully collect for us. The quiet boil of passion in Latin and classical guitar, the ethereal perfumes of Japanese incense wafting in the air, the enveloping gush of warm bubble baths, or the sweet juices of ripe strawberries all alert the senses to that little person in our heads murmuring "some pleasure goin' on here."

But sex appeal transcends the senses. Perhaps because the composition of sex appeal— that which is left out of reach of the senses and preserved solely for the folly of the imagination, is what makes something sexy. Only the young and overhormonalized prefer pink shots to the suggestion of exposure. Blatant displays may be functional, but they're not the stuff of steamy seduction. The discreet hint of revelation has boatloads more sex appeal than the obvious.

Sex appeal works most effectively with a certain amount of shutting down of the senses, actually. When a mist settles over the night from sleepiness, when loosened up or just relaxed enough to relent the guard on duty in my brain, I'm at my most susceptible to sexy men and things. The boy who keeps me out late, talking until two in the morning, or at dawn, who nudges me awake but leaves me in the fuzz of morning, is the man I'll think has the most sex appeal. This isn't to suggest that Brad, Johnny, or Scott have ever nudged me awake; at least not in person, that is.

As indeterminate as sex appeal is, some people and things just have it. Tropical paradises have sex appeal; frigid, barren northern Canada doesn't. Candlelit dinners with real linen tablecloths have sex appeal; hospital cafeterias don't. Yoga has sex appeal; hair shirts don't. Hair shirts are just plain weird. Conceptually, the whole notion of penance that doesn't make any tangible attempt at rectifying the misdeed is weird, though. And completely unsexy.

Zombie Bar Etiquette 101

Hey guys… you’re hanging out in the local zombie bar with your undead pals, just having a few strong drinks and relaxing after a hard day of dragging your decomposing body through the post-apocalyptic streets and slaughtering the living. And suddenly, across the room, you spot that smoking hot redhead. Or maybe she’s a blonde. It’s hard to tell with that gaping head wound. Anyway, you notice that she’s giving you the eye— the good one— so you start that long walk to the other end of the bar. You’re nervous. You have butterflies in your stomach. Probably literally. If your veins weren’t full of embalming fluid, your heart would totally be pounding right now. Assuming you still have a lower jaw and the capacity for human speech, what are you going to say?

Well, worry no longer. Here are some un-deadly cool lines to help you score with that hot piece of graveyard bait.

• Would you like to go back to my opened grave? Grab a shovel!
  
  
• I am so NOT being politically incorrect… I totally admitted that you were “Living Challenged”!!! No really!!!!
  
  
• You’ve stolen my heart. No, seriously. Can I have it back?
  
  
• Okay, so you ate the dentist shortly after he extracted your wisdom teeth… who hasn't thought of doing that after  surgery... over and over again?
  
  
• If I had a cell phone, or any fingers left, I would ask you for your number... but I also noticed that most of your fingers are missing... and cell phones are so overrated...
  
  
• As a matter of fact, I really “am” Bruce Jenner”.
  
  
• I have needs that cannibalism just can’t satisfy.
  
  
• It’s a good thing I’m a zombie too, because I have to admit... you are drop-dead gorgeous!
  
  
• Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Or when you landed on that sharp stick? You should probably take that out, you know.
  
  
• If my lungs still worked, you would totally take my breath away!
  
  
• Well, okay. You got me on that one. It really is rigor mortis. But I’m still very happy to see you!
  
  
• I’d give my right arm for a date with you. Here you go!
  
  
• Are your feet tired? Because you’ve been fumbling and lurching and dragging yourself through my mind all day.
  
  
• I like my women exactly the way I like my tequila… cold and stiff. And… that whole worm thing is the topper... I swear…….I love you for your braaaaaaaaains!

The Peace Within

I stayed up last night [as always]... but this wasn't like any other night. I watched as President Obama announced that Osama Bin Laden was finally brought to justice. I watched as millions took to the streets to reaffirm their freedom from the fear of Bin Laden's looming shadow of venomous contempt. I remembered where I was when the twin towers became a twisted wreckage of rubble and despair. But this feeling was different. I began to reflect upon the sheer power that any religion holds on humanity when placed into the wrong hands.

There is some merit to the idea that religion can sometimes serve as a sort of false consciousness. However, humanity’s fierce need for the spiritual manifests in such a way that many can’t really understand... yet follow blindly. Values of religion, namely, shared empathy and the collective will to survive, transcended the falsity of Bin Laden and the banality of how his use of religion had been constructed to beguile his followers.

Thich Nhat Hanh has a wonderful saying, "Peace in ourselves, Peace in the world." This isn’t a Pollyanna notion that we should all just hold hands, pretend there's no war, pain, and trauma, this is a very real and practical path toward creating a better world. We need to learn how to take a good look at the wars we have raging inside each and every one of us in response to our own personal traumas in life. Whether that's the death of a loved one, harm inflicted on us, or some form of emotional trauma and learn ways to create peace within ourselves.

It’s a very simple path, but not at all easy.

Osama Bin Laden is dead as are his misguided perceptions and horrifying agendas, all of which he rationalized by using "his" distorted version of the Muslim religion as well as the Prophet Muhammad to further his hatred of altruism. I think that perhaps the Prophet Muhammad himself said it all when he said, “Feed the hungry and visit a sick person, and free the captive, if he be unjustly confined. Assist any person oppressed, whether Muslim or non-Muslim.” Bin Laden just didn't "get it" and it was unlikely that he ever would.

So... farewell Osama Bin Laden, may the families and friends who have suffered at your hands feel more peace and love without you around to stir their hatred and fear. And may you be at peace with the wars that raged within you to the point where you held the misguided delusion that killing thousands of people was somehow a path in the right direction. May we ALL be free from our injudicious reactions to the wars within and help guide all people into a direction of greater empathy, compassion, love and peace within ourselves and the world.

"Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding." —Albert Einstein

Executive Troll Logic

Brian Frons, the Machiavellian head of ABC Daytime was quoted by AP as he tried to explain the network's decision to simultaneously cancel All My Children and One Life to Live, "If you have a show in severe decline, you're trying to catch a falling knife." After that comment Frons flippantly quipped that he "...pre-entered the witness protection program prior to today's events." The demise of the two venerable soaps was actually a year in the making, Frons said to insiders. "A year ago, we started to look at our projections where the ratings for the soaps would go," he said. When those projections came in pretty discouraging, the network began to aggressively develop replacement shows, 15 of them. Four of the 15 were picked up to pilot: The Chew, The Revolution and two others, a talk show and a dating show. Originally, the idea was to cancel only one daytime drama, Frons said. But "the way the ratings developed and the pilots turned out, the ratings developed negatively and pilots developed positively, so we decided to make a bigger shift."

Really Brian? Are you kidding me? You are the head of Daytime programming on ABC and for the past 9 years you couldn't bring in new producers, writers and directors? You couldn't shoot the shows digitally and cut some corners by allowing the producers and writers to edit? Why weren't the ABC soaps EVER promoted in primetime? Why did you refrain from pulling together a top notch group of marketing and public relations teams that would have put soap stars on late night talk shows, on the covers of mainstream publications and the internet? Give us all a break Brian and spare us from your absurd corporate troll logic. It's nothing more than the same old rhetoric.

The truth of the matter is, Brian Frons was never cut out to be in charge of soap operas. He didn't understand them nor did he ever lift a finger to "cross-promote" and re-envision the shows. I'm willing to bet he rarely even sat down and watched a soap opera.

As it stands, All My Children will go off the air in September, replaced by The Chew, a live one-hour show about food and nutrition, featuring two cast members from Iron Chef America and nutrition expert Daphne Oz, Dr. Mehmet Oz's daughter. Frons described it as a cross between The View and a cooking show. One Life to Live lasts until January. Its replacement is The Revolution, made by the producers behind The Biggest Loser, and will be a health and lifestyle show featuring fashion expert Tim Gunn. Each week the show will focus on the weight loss transformation of one woman.

So to clarify Brian Frons' decision, he is willing to toss away at least 5 million viewers without so much as blinking an eye or looking back. In my opinion, this is an extremely risky decision, not to mention rash and delusional. I have said this many times before and I will say it again, the face of entertainment is rapidly changing as the "digital convergence" is upon us. It's leveling off the playing field and making dinosaurs out of the networks and studios.Once an audience becomes "interactive", where THEY have a say in what occurs... they will NEVER return to being "reactive"... And the power is perpetually shifting toward the audience. Never EVER underestimate that audience as they can make or break you.

No Joy In Soapland

There is no joy in Soapland today. Two more of the once highly revered daytime serials have been cancelled. All My Children and One Life to Live, as I am certain everyone has heard, have both finally been unplugged from the life support systems... and if you listen closely enough you may just hear the dismal sound of the heart monitor flatlining in the distance. It goes without saying that daytime soap operas are a dying breed. Like Westerns before it, soaps are an undeniable American invention, and yet they are fast losing the power they once had to entertain audiences. I have said this before and I will say it again, "If you no longer relate to or understand your audience... if you are no longer a part of your audience, the audience will inevitably disconnect and move on."

This has little to do with the fact that Americans no longer find continual storytelling interesting forms of entertainment. Indeed, most of primetime television has adopted continual storytelling as part of their narrative arcs. Ever since the CBS primetime soap Dallas became a ratings smash during the eighties, televisions series have used narrative arcs as forms of storytelling, borrowing directly from a genre that has used continual storytelling with far greater efficiency. Now, shows like Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Breaking Bad and many others are using this storytelling form with greater depth. But there IS a major difference: the writers understand the audience. They "get" the fact that viewers are much smarter and far more savvy than network execs like ABC's Brian Frons (a man who should have been fired 8 years ago) does.

Soap opera stories are now so predictable and telegraphed that they insult the intelligence of the audience. I'm not making any great revelations here. Everyone in the soap industry is fully aware of its problems, but they refuse to let go of the past as much as they refuse to hire new producers, directors (who actually... wait for it... DIRECT). The soap genre has been comprised of an incestuous group of executives, producers and writers that are NEVER fired... they are merely recycled.

Producers and writers with a reputation for unraveling and practically killing shows, simply move to another soap opera. Trust me, this DOES NOT happen in primetime or film. If a writer joins a primetime show and the ratings dip... the writer is fired and more than often, they move to a lower rung. If a film producer and director puts a major studio into the red with a huge flop... the producer and the director are fired. Writers such as Irna Phillips, the dean of all soaps, Agnes Nixon, Harding LeMay, Douglas Marland, Henry Slesar and others once had enormous control over storyline directions. And while many of these writers were still beholden to network executive dictations, they were still given freedom to determine storyline and casting decisions.

That all changed during the late 1970s when executive producer Gloria Monty singlehandedly saved the ABC serial General Hospital from cancellation by modernizing story pacing and by bringing cinematic conventions to daytime. Afterwards, the executive producer became the "visionary" of daytime. Though writers continued to exercise some control over storylines during the 1980s, by the '90s and '00s that medium became largely the visions of executive producers as the same writers were shuffled from one soap to the next, creating a schizophrenic identity for each soap from which none has ever quite recovered. In the case of ABC soaps, each show is now under the micromanagement control of the head of daytime, again, Brian Frons, whose vision for the shows blurs out any distinction in favor of bland homogeneity with pretty people.  

Decisions regarding storylines, casting, production, etc. are now determined by whether they'll appeal to younger demographics under the misguided notion that younger viewers are only interested in watching stories and characters that vainly reflect their own realities. This means that older, veteran characters much beloved by longtime fans are now being shoved to the backburner or written off entirely to make way for younger actors, many of whom were cast for their good looks and not for their acting skills. These various decisions have dumbed down the medium and earned it the stereotypical reputation that non-soap viewers have regarded it over the years.

Bad writing and wildly implausible storylines now rule the day as executive producers attempt their desperate bids to goose up anemic ratings. Their efforts end up resulting in what online fans are now speculating is the self-fulfilling prophesies of the networks to do away with soap operas entirely.

But the Powers That Be's over-reliance on out-dated focus polls, the archaic Nielsen Ratings... and the misguided conventional wisdom of what they "believe" that fans want, in the long run, is what's destroying the creativity of the medium. Now soaps are merely written in a paint-by-numbers fashion, with the same stories being repeated over and over again to increasing fan dissatisfaction. In the end, it is the vision and control of the executive suits and producers who are to blame for the genre's sad state of affairs.

The one show that took a major risk which "could have" paid off in the long run was the now defunct Guiding Light. By introducing the viewers to Olivia and Natalia, two women who eventually fall in love, GL brought a much more "diverse" audience to the table. Actress Crystal Chappell gave us some incredibly heartbreaking performances in a deeply affecting, topical and brilliant storyline. But, as we all know, Procter and Gamble was far too conservative to allow some fascinating "reality" to wash over its viewers. It was a mistake of epic proportions as the storyline was reaching audiences as far away as Bangkok and New Zealand via the internet.

Television executive Tim Brooks was recently quoted as saying, “We are seeing the end of a genre..." I for one am convinced his statement rings all too true for what once was a groundbreaking part of the television landscape. As I said in one of my previous notes: I can't find much optimism about the near future of Daytime Soap Operas. If you take a moment and listen to the lyrics of Mr. Mister's, "Broken Wings" (Bo & Hope's adventure song) perhaps the Powers That Be will somehow "get it"... that the broken wings are the perfect metaphor for daytime soaps... and someone needs to wake up [AS IN RIGHT NOW], "Take these broken wings and learn to fly again..." but that, my fellow soap opera friends... would require nothing short of a divine intervention.. a miracle. I am in no way discouraging anyone from writing letters to ABC, shutting down the email systems and all of the faxes. Brian Frons, who I have had the absolute displeasure of talking with... is not an executive that connects with the audience. He sees this as "good business practice" and refuses to believe that perhaps the audience is much more "in touch" with the REAL world and what they want than he is

Take These Broken Wings

Okay “Days of Our Lives” Fans… the year was 1985. Bo and Hope were daytime’s biggest phenom. The song “‘Take These Broken Wings” by Mr. Mister was pushing to the top of the charts. No cable competition. No Internet. It was indeed a simpler time. I was in my mid 20s at The University of Pittsburgh where EVERYONE was glued to the televisions in the dorms at 1:00 p.m. I also worked at The Beaver Valley Power Station for my Mom’s massive company, where all of the construction crews were “hooked” on Bo and Hope. There was a “spark” that ignited and we all watched as Bo and Hope rocked Daytime Television to its very core. This wasn’t “Luke and Laura” and it wasn’t just “hype”… this was something more and it couldn’t be defined by chemistry or anything else.

Bo and Hope were defining a new generation of Daytime Soap viewers. Bo (Peter Reckell) was the very first “anti-hero” to hit the daytime screen with a powerful vengeance. His long hair and scruffy beard made him stand out from the characters we had been accustomed to seeing. He dressed a bit like Kurt Cobain and wore snakeskin boots with ripped layered sweat shirts topped off with camouflage pants and a motorcycle that made us all want to beat the system and head out on the open road… while Bob Seager’s “Roll Me Away” taunted us to abandon the expectations of those poor saps who would never dare to step out of the lines.

Now you have to understand that in 1985, Yuppies had been calling all of the shots, driving the “safe status cars” and looking down their collective noses at anyone who dared to embrace “freedom”. The “suits” were everywhere. Hope, well… she was the girl who loved to cross the tracks onto the proverbial “wrong side”, where blue collar and having a beer were foreign to this somewhat spoiled “princess” who instantly saw her freedom and passion for life in Bo. Bo was a Bohemian Renaissance man who wasn’t interested in following the rules, he made his own… but the core of the character was based in the values he had been raised to respect.

There was this indefinable magic and everyone felt it as this “super couple” took us all on the road to adventure, romance and everything in between. I can remember watching the couple’s very first scenes and thinking, “This is going to become a world-wide sensation”. And sure enough, with the inclusion of Francis Reed [Alice Horton, Hope's Gram] as a hip Grandma who was routing for Bo and Hope as much as the rest of us were… it all took off and we just kept coming back for more. God it really was a simpler time. And yet it was all being strategically put together in a way that my generation knew… soap operas were now hitting “cool” for the rest of us.

As Bo and Hope struggled to escape all of the perils that seemed to show up at every turn, we were being treated to location shoots in New Orleans, Miami and New York and a breaking of the “mold” which our parents had accepted over the years… stories consisted of having coffee at each others kitchens and gossiping.

Fast forward… it is 2011 and whether anyone cares to admit it or not Bo and Hope may have grown older… but the magic has never really left, it’s just being kept in a box. It’s sad that the scope of Daytime Television has turned its back on taking risks, speeding up the storytelling process and giving its viewers something to cheer about… something to route for, care about and keep returning for more. Maybe I’ve become a tad bit cynical as I have watched its agonizing demise. The producers and writers are such an incestuous group that RARELY, if ever, do they bring in anyone with a new and bolder vision that might just soar.

I can’t find much optimism about the near future of Daytime Soap Operas. It’s going to take much more than bringing old characters back and hiring new producers and writers to write as brilliantly as they do for some of the prime-time shows… it’s going to take nothing short of a divine intervention to save all of these shows from inevitable extinction. The actors and actresses are NOT the problem. And we all know it.

If you take a moment and listen to the lyrics of Mr. Mister’s, “Broken Wings” perhaps the powers that be will somehow “get it”… that the broken wings are the perfect metaphor for daytime soaps… and someone needs to wake up [AS IN RIGHT NOW], “Take these broken wings and learn to fly again…”

Insidious— Chilling and Inventive

James Wan’s latest film, ‘Insidious’ managed to shock, scare and amuse the SXSW film festival audience during a midnight screening at Alamo South Lamar theater. The story of a family, who begin to experience paranormal activity in their new home, may seem like your typical horror film setup, but if anything ‘Insidious’ is a refreshing take on the ghost thriller genre, reminiscent of movies like Poltergeist, and the work of cult horror king Sam Raimi. The creepy visuals also call to mind the work of Guillermo del Toro. Together those inspirations create an entertaining film experience unlike anything currently out there. Josh (Patrick Wilson), a school teacher, his wife Renai (Rose Byrne), find themselves dealing with the unexpected coma of their son, Dalton.

They soon learn that their son is not in a coma but rather, his spirit has traveled through the astral plane, leaving his body as a shell to be invaded by wandering entities. The film deviates from the religious concept of ‘Hell’, instead referring to the dark realm as ‘The Further’, and using the idea of astral planes for the out of body experience.

With this, you get a film that doesn’t play to what audiences would expect most of the time, but something different, and yet familiar; a film that is not so much about exorcism, or holy water, but dreamscapes in the vein of Friday the 13th. Going in to the movie with little knowledge about the film definitely added to the thrills. During the screening I attended, there was a guy sitting next to me, who would literally flail his arms each time there was as a scare in the film. The visual, and audio impact are pretty effective, and the payoff is worth the suspense, even the most macho movie-goer would jump in their seat.

Though the family dynamic between the husband and wife characters Josh and Renai is mostly flat, and may not be the most convincing with dialogue that is mostly predictable, the film still stays on course to entertain the audience with a number of supporting characters, and visuals. ‘Insidious’ is a little bit of everything that horror filmmakers James Wan, and Leigh Whannell took inspiration from. They succeed in making a unique film that provides the goods, surely to be a favorite for anyone looking for a few chills, and thrills.

Rubber— A Tire That Kills People.

When Robert, an inanimate tire, discovers his destructive telepathic powers, he soon sets his sights on a desert town; in particular, a mysterious woman becomes his obsession. Quentin Dupieux’s Rubber is definitely one of the most quirky and ridiculous films you’ve never seen. It sets out from the very beginning to make sure the audience knows that they have never seen a film quite like Rubber. Why is this film beyond explanation? No reason. And that is exactly what Rubber is— an ode to the ‘no reason’ of cinema. In a strange prologue where one of the characters is speaking directly to the audience he explains the intent of the entire film— “no reason.” The film revolves around a tire have buried and forgotten in the middle of the desert.

The tire, for some unknown reason, wakes up and we follow is discovery of consciousness as well as discovery of his powers. Psychokinetic powers like being able to make things explode. Things like people’s heads. That’s right. A psychokinetic murderous tire that rolls about the desert making people's heads explode. This tire has a name as well. As we said, his name is Robert.

As the film rolls on (did you like that?), we start to disconnect from ‘tire’ and connect with ‘Robert.’ He becomes a sentient being— rubber or not— and the audience gets pulled in to who he is and how he feels. Yes, how the tire feels. In the film there is a group of people watching from the desert with binoculars. Watching the same thing we are watching on the screen except they are watching it live. Giving commentary as we go and basically echoing what the film audience should be feeling at that time by speaking directly to the audience almost. This meta factor of the film adds a strange layered effect to the story that makes the movie feel like a movie within a movie. Ultimately, it all doesn’t really make any sense, but for a good reason— the absence of reason.

Rubber would have made an incredible short and would have been a cult hit regardless who was reviewing it, but it definitely took a considerable risk by releasing as a feature length film. If the film doesn’t get its hooks in you from the start, you will quickly grow tired of the novelty and start wondering where in the hell it is going and how much longer is it going to take. For those seeking the genuinely absurd, Rubber will deliver on every note.

If you prefer your films, as well as what you do and how you spend your time in life, to have reason, then Rubber probably isn’t for you. Outside of those reservations however, Rubber is a completely ridiculous and fun ride where the filmmaker is basically pointing a finger at himself, as well as the entire history of filmmaking, and laughing by celebrating the asininity and pointlessness of the world of cinema. The police deputy in the film, played by Thomas F. Duffy, asks the audience in his prologue, “Why can’t we see the air around us?” No reason. Why is the president killed by someone he’s never even met in JFK?” No reason. “Why is E.T. gray?” No reason. Rubber sets out to make you realize and appreciate the “no reason” factor of cinema.

By the end you are asking yourself, “Why am I enjoying this?” or even better, “Why am I even watching this?” And the answer is most definitely— no reason... and THAT is what makes this film so cool. You just enjoy the "ride"... or the "roll" if you want to be technical about it.

Saying Goodbye to Tom Youtes

Written originally on Sunday, January 16th, 2011 at 7:31 a.m.

As I sit here, reflecting on the year which passed, 2010... I cannot help but think about a very old friend who passed away in 2010 without my knowledge. As life moves so fast— we barely blink before we inevitably stop to realize that perhaps we simply "lost touch" with a number of people... for a number of reasons some of which are simply the result of the evolution we all face from decade to decade. I was in my early 20s when my mother's trucking company was in full swing. I was still going to college when I took a job at The Beaver Valley Power Station Unit II Phase. It was a union job and I was inducted into The Teamsters Union with very little fan fare. To me, it was a card that stated I was qualified to drive a pick-up truck filled with those huge water coolers you see on the sidelines at football games filled with Gatorade.

You see, the plant was still being built and they hadn't installed a water system so it was our job to see that everyone had drinking water. I drove and the two guys who rode next to me carried the water from the truck to each location. It wasn't exactly quantum physics and we usually finished up our entire route before our lunch break. John Fattore and Tom Youtes became my partners in a quest to avoid boredom at all costs and find amusement at every turn. We read the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Bloom County was our favorite strip... and we ALL (every single person employed there), did the Crossword Puzzle of the day. Boring stuff right? Wrong.

You see, Tom, John and I were Masters at the art of finding a plethora of ways to keep ourselves partially sane and randomly amused. I brought in sketch pads and writing paper to "capture" the fascinating in what others might not have noticed. I also brought a small television set that plugged into the truck lighter outlet and every afternoon the three of us would watch Days of Our Lives and come up with our own scenarios which would have made Salem far more entertaining than it ever was. It was the early 80's and we were all finding our way into adulthood as we created as much anarchy and mischief as humanly possible. We found so many ways to escape the job site and party at the small taverns in the nearby town of Midland, PA. We were the misfits, the outlaws... the water crew that no one was ever able to locate or capture. We'd spike the water with lemonade and vodka during the holidays...

We played poker with the electricians and convinced the carpenters to build us whatever we needed in return for playing their numbers and taking their bets to the "bookies" who we would give cases of the whiskey (meant for the engineers and top plant executives) that we would find no matter where they hid it. We ran football pools and card games. We even had our own kitchen hidden away where we'd cook Italian pasta, sausage and drink home made wine. We never really saw it as work even though we were being paid rather well to show up.

We shared holidays together, got each other through tough times... When Tom's wife had a miscarriage and lost his daughter Sonya, he was devastated. John and I took up a collection to help with the funeral expenses. It was a time in our lives like no other. My college friends welcomed "The Water Crew" and we spent time going to both college and pro football games together. The Beaver Valley Power Station Unit II Phase was our playground and we rode the wave until I finished up college and moved on. But Tom and John and I still hung out together, going to college parties, football games, pro wrestling shows and partying with guys like hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper who we found at the bars near the old Pittsburgh Airport after the shows.

But as time went on, we saw less and less of each other. I ran into Tom in early 1992 and we went to his favorite bar, shared drinks and laughed about all of the shenanigans we were actually able to get away with on the job site. It was so good to see him. He was married again and he looked so happy. He also mentioned his dog, a black lab who went everywhere with Tom, had passed away and that he missed him terribly. We talked until the bar closed and as we left I hugged him very tightly and we both promised to get together again at some point. I had no idea that I would never see Tom again.

When I heard (via another dear friend) that Tom had died, I thought about all of the things I didn't say. But then I realized that even though I hadn't said everything I wanted to say to Tom... it was okay. People lose touch... and more than often it isn't because we don't care, it just happens. One of Tom's favorite films was "The Big Chill"; it's still one of mine. For those of you who haven't heard of it, the storyline is: "A group of seven former college friends gather for a weekend reunion at a posh South Carolina winter house after the funeral of one of their friends."  The storyline of The Big Chill is strong, and one that is easy to relate to as an adult. Who doesn't wonder if their lives have gone in different directions than we originally intended? Who doesn't see the irony in choices we have made throughout our lives? I know that I do.

I miss Tom. I will always miss Tom. But I also feel so very fortunate to have known him at a time in my life when we all felt immortal... Everything has an end, we all know that. Death is a natural end. It is something that we all know is going to happen, there is really no way around it. It is a part of the entire cycle.

Thomas R. "Youdiee" Youtes, Jr., 50, of Monaca, passed away Monday, September 6th, 2010, due to a recurring bout with cancer. Born on June 27th, 1960, in Aliquippa, he was a son of Thomas R. Sr. and Doris J. Youtes. Tom was a construction worker and a member of the Laborers Union Number 833. He was also a member of the American Legion Post Number 580. Tom was preceded in death by a seven-month-old daughter, Sonya Vonne Youtes. Surviving are his wife, Laurene Muzic Youtes; his parents, Tom and Doris; a son, Bryan Youtes in Florida; a daughter, Jestynne Youtes of Ellwood City; a stepdaughter, Johnna (Todd) Haller of New Brighton; a granddaughter, Taelor of Ellwood City, and two sisters; Suzanne (Bobby) Hunt of Monaca and Kristin (Jack) Hurley of Monaca.

An Ode to Frank "Chops" Lalama

Written on Friday, October 1st, 2010 at 2:06 p.m.

Yesterday I silently said good bye to a friend in a room filled with so many people that the air was struggling to fill my lungs. He passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. He had something I realized... and it dawned on me yesterday as I drove to the bar [Papa Duke's] he frequented so often. So I was reminiscing... and then it came. Like a hand from God. This one was easy... as it happened with me around dozens of times. Chops was FAMOUS for his loud howls, bird caws and backward breathing laughter. It was his status symbol and it was contagious. He lived life like no other. He had no list... no agenda, no motives. He gave so much to so many without expectation and not one single person who ever met him could escape his generosity. His heart was pure.

Chops and I were never the best of friends. Our conversations were usually sports-related. But there was never a time when I wasn't greeted with a hearty welcome and a confident smile. He was larger than life... and I observed him as I would anyone with such a voracious appetite for the things that make life worth living. Without knowing, he taught me to appreciate the simple things— the significance of a damn good field goal kicker, a frosty mug of Guinness, the mathematical logistics of the "point spread" in any sport. And when he celebrated his 40th birthday, I was the one who drove like an insane person to make sure that he had a birthday cake fit for a king. Mostly, Chops (unknowingly) taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty. I wish we could have been closer... but things like work and time and family obligations tend to snuff out the candles of what should have been.

As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do... because in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Frank "Chops" Lalama, 40, of Center Township, died on Thursday, September 30th, 2010, in Heritage Valley Hospital in Beaver, Pennsylvania.... but oh how he truly lived.

The NyQuil Zone

For the past several days I have been dealing with a very nasty cold. The congestion, sinus pressure, coughing and sore throat have been very difficult to deal with. Then again, according to my entire family and my dog— I have been very difficult to deal with. I blame it on all of the cold medication I have been taking, especially the NyQuil. While I was on a NyQuil induced mind-numbing, psychedelic experience, I began to wonder what else NyQuil might be used to create. Since I was essentially in some sort of cosmic lucid haze and had nothing better to do, I put on my really cool mad scientist outfit... or maybe it was just my old white bath robe with some Playtex rubber gloves and safety goggles and did some experimenting.

As a result of my experimentation, I have developed 5 unknown uses for NyQuil that I would like to share with all of you:

Nyquil works very well as a de-icer, for the very first time in a week there has been no ice or snow on my back porch. Much to my surprise and curiosity, NyQuil is actually rather flammable. It was a great help in getting that wet firewood turned into a raging inferno in no time. Of course, the volunteer fireman was not at all amused by my brilliant discovery. In fact he appeared to be not only stunned but irritated enough that I thought about sharing some Nyquil with him

Since I was home and had nothing really better to do, I thought I would take some time and do the laundry. Would you believe NyQuil was a fantastic stain remover? That pesky paint stain on my red Snuggie is now history! While in my garage wandering aimlessly and trying to think of other things to do with NyQuil— I happened to see some sort of strange black bug crawling around. Once I tried it... you guessed it— NyQuil is a very fast acting strange bug killer!

I also found out that if you mix the Red and Green NyQuil flavors together and drink the entire concoction— Neo from the Matrix movies will join you on your NyQuil-induced joyride into a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call The Twilight Zone. Rod Serling usually doesn't appear until after you've downed an entire shot of Patrón Reposado with limes.

@charliesheen— Winning On His Own Terms

Winning! That’s what Charlie Sheen is all about, and you can either love him or hate him for it— and that’s where his magic lies. Doesn’t hurt that he’s got tiger blood and Adonis DNA either. Despite what every media outlet, news­paper, and soccer mom is disgusted about— all they will allow themselves to see is the surface level, the literal inter­pre­ta­tion of his words and actions… causing them to make a right­eous judge­ment of a man with “addic­tions”, rather than the epic­ness of his wisdom and when he finally said, “ENOUGH! I AM MY OWN CURE!” It's amazing how liberating that can be.

Then there’s the other people who just find it all hilar­ious; and as funny as the things Charlie Sheen says are, there is serious enlight­en­ment and insight behind the “lulz”. He is blunt and offen­sive to the average American because he goes against their grain— their boring, average, dull, sleep of a life— and that’s not even mentioning the crazy porn stars, drugs, and partying. Sure he may have had alcohol/drug issues in his past, sure he might be an arro­gant bastard, and sure he might not even be from this terres­trial realm— but that’s no reason to condemn him for living HIS life on HIS OWN terms… it should actu­ally be the cause for his celebration.

Most people “float by” on phoney public relations… they tell us EXACTLY what we want to hear. And that works for most people. Those who refuse to “walk on the edge of life” for a moment and tell others how they REALLY feel. Let’s face it, most people barely get a “taste” of what matters, let alone the opportunity to throw caution to the wind and empty out the pit of seething anger we hold in because we convince ourselves that we NEED our jobs or that our families and friends would never understand the way we REALLY feel. So we “do the dance”… we turn in our dreams for the human hamster wheel and we fall into line… like the rest of the worker bees.

I mean, let’s just imagine it for a moment, shall we? We all have the same amount of money as Charlie Sheen. We’ve all been born into a thriving Hollywood pedigree and we’re being handed schwag by the tons, an entourage of people as willing to follow us as we plunge into the abyss of what we have never seen or tried… and then we are given credit cards with no limits… cash by the bundles. At some point in every person’s life there is that moment when he/she craves that “power”… the ability to say to your annoying brother-in-law, “F$#K OFF!” The opportunity to buy the restaurant [where the smart-ass waiter treated you like garbage]… and as opposed to just firing his rude-ass… you give him a week’s worth of his own behavior until he finally submits… and quits.

Charlie Sheen’s inter­views have ALL gone viral, along with his catch phrases and slew of new internet memes: because they’re winning, duh. Now initially, as I was watching them myself, I totally was like “this guy is crazy… but damn he’s funny”. Then a few minutes in, he started saying things that were really powerful, like— “can’t is the cancer of happen” —whoa… hang on a minute… that’s actually brilliant. So maybe there’s some­thing to learn hidden inside all of this madness and mayhem…

If you haven’t seen the inter­views, I HIGHLY recom­mend you watch them all, completely. Not only are they the ulti­mate dose of Charlie-Sheen-drug-brilliant-humor, there is a lot to learn from this Vatican Assassin. Can’t is the cancer of happen— Just like Yoda in Star Wars “do or do not, there is no try” and Nike’s slogan “just do it”, Charlie “gets” that a lack of action and fear is a sort of “cancer” to getting things done. Stop all of the the excuses, believe in your­self, and take action. RIGHT NOW.

Ignore the fools, trolls, and clowns— Haters will hate all day while they sip the Hater-aide. These people crit­i­cize your action and progress since they don’t have the balls to do it them­selves. Ignore them and take advice from those that care. “Sleep rhymes with sheep”— Funny isn’t it? Charlie knows most people are just spir­i­tu­ally and worldly asleep, like Neo was in The Matrix. Stop being an obedient sheep that behaves and does only what it’s told… blindly. Wake up and start living… ON YOUR OWN TERMS!

Step up and change it right now. Look your father in the eye and say. “You’re wrong, I’m different, I’m better. Watch me.” Become free from the opin­ions of others and your­self— STOP caring about what other people think about you. Say awesome things— let your humor and wisdom always shine through and light up the lives of those around you. Dare to be a total freakin’ rock­star from Mars! Always look for some­thing to learn in every situation. Be special— because you are! The media, school systems, corpo­ra­tions, and govern­ment want everyone to be average and elim­i­nate indi­vid­u­ality. This is absurd. Stand out, be your­self, and express your creativity. Stop being like the masses and just be YOU! And last but certainly not least… wherever you are, enjoy the view!

The Leave it to Beaver Culture Myth

They have come to symbolize the stereotypical 1950’s– 1960s family and American life to the point where many people today believe these representations of family life were factual, if not somewhat idealistic, views of the 1960s. Shows such as The Donna Reed Show, Father Knows Best, The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet, and Leave It To Beaver all espoused upon the ideal, middle class family…not quite perfect but whose faults were minor and non-threatening to the individual and society. These themes were carried on into the 1960s with shows like The Dick Van Dyke Show and even into the 1970’s with The Brady Bunch. Even though some aspects rang true, the reality was different for a majority of Americans. It’s interesting to wonder what effect these shows had upon those, especially females, who lives were not reflected, and never would be, in the mythical family life portrayed every week.

The setting was almost always the same; a neat and tidy small town, suburban setting, near enough to a city that supplied the father his white collar profession. Mother were seen as happy to stay at home, cleaning and cooking all day (often clad in dresses and pearls) with no career ambitions beyond volunteering for some local group. Father worked at a nondescript profession, the white collar ‘salt mines’ and never talked about work beyond a few vague replies to the “how was your day” comment from his wife. Children were well adjusted and well behaved, unlike the more realistic though ignored angst ridden young adults, though probably not to the extent that was seen in films such as Rebel Without A Cause or novels like The Catcher In The Rye.

But what did those true middle class Americans think of these images? They may have been humorous for many women, but the reality was often different. Women were in the workplace and in careers, though many were regulated to the traditional roles. They usually worked out of necessity and not for fun money for themselves. For instance, my father was a white collar worker in a research lab, yet my mother was always working. She had a full time job until she had children, and then worked part time on night and weekends while my father cooked, cleaned, and took care of four small children. This was the norm for nearly all families in the 1960’s neighborhood I grew up in, and seemed to be that way for nearly everyone.

Beyond the mass consumerism aimed at Americans, especially the new teen demographic, television emerged as an entertainment device with sometimes an unexpected impact. The growing power of the new entertainment segment would have a perceptual influence upon Americans. It also became a device that could manipulate though its entertainment. If your weren’t part of the Leave It To Beaver world, were you viewed as doing something wrong or not working hard enough? Or did people simply realize that it was a fictionalized take on life, done purely for entertainment reasons. It’s also odd, given this promoting of woman in television land as nothing more than secondary apolitical beings that some many women stepped to the front to take action on so many social and cultural issues. I wonder what people like Betty Friedan, Rosa Parks, Mamie Till, Diane Nash, or even Jackie Kennedy thought of the completely sterilized suburbia of television.

While television created the ideal middle class myth, it also had unexpected influences. The McCarthy Red Scare hearings revealed to Americans the transparency of Washington power politics and the fear mongering that it employed, often for personal advancement. The nightly news broadcasts of such events as the Childrens March in Selma, complete with fire hoses and attack dogs, brought the Civil Rights movement home to all Americans (Could anyone imagine Theodore Cleaver or Ricky Nelson being involved in such a protest…or any type of protest). The altering of presidential politics in the 1960 election with the Kennedy/Nixon debates, where substance began to take a backseat to style. The impact of the daily televised war footage in the later 1960’s split a nation into opposing sides, the anti-war verse the silent majority. If television was meant to be a conforming device, it failed in several areas.

My Latest Existential Thoughts

Yesterday, I called up a friend and talked for three hours about how nothing really matters, about life being absurd, everything goes to hell anyway, about there being no matter, about everything being pre-determined, about pain (and particularly my back aches) being the cause of philosophical progress, and about how our actions don't really matter because we're insignificant compared to the size of the universe, about how everything that humans do is because it is a "surrogate activity" designed to fill in a void caused by a lack of meaning, about how marriage is an institution designed to keep people docile (ref. Gore Vidal's essay "Sex is Politics"), about how happiness can be achieved only if I could have complete control over the entire universe (ref. Leonard Cohen's "The Future"), or about how so many people in the world are starving and immersed in the fear of becoming homeless.
The first thing you need to do is become a seeker and understand the reason for living. When I use the word seeker, I mean a person who understands that the outer world is not everything; life is more than just the outer world. Whenever you feel that life is just more than what you experience through the senses you become a seeker. You start seeking the truth. Again and again, life reminds you of the truth, that life is beyond your control; especially when some near and dear ones die, or there is some accident, or you lose your job. Then, you are completely shaken, and don't know how to handle it. Either you fall into a depression or you suffer. You have to then start seeking... especially when you feel that your life is no longer in your control. The seeking should be a deep understanding, not just an emotional reaction. When understanding is added to the seeking, you will see that you will be transformed. The truth is, life itself is a psychodrama. If you understand clearly that you are playing this drama again and again and again, you will realize that being a human is nothing great. If you do the job of the body, the shell, the human, you will realize that it's just another job. It is purely your choice. It is just a matter of who chooses to play what role. But if you can escape the world of human EGO, the ID... you will be free.

It's all about transcendence. We dream, we fantasize, we get intoxicated with food and drink and physical contact, only to escape our own company if only for just a moment. Without those moments of ecstatic bliss of expansion which free us temporarily from our lives of quiet desperation, we may as well die. What is it that does it for you that lets your spirit soar high in the skies of purity? Can you remain flying in those skies, or does gravity pull you down unceremoniously? When we enter the space of deep frustration that human existence brings, and enter the vacuous emptiness that escapism through sensory excitement leaves in its wake, a new space opens. A space of bliss eternal, ever renewing, ever nurturing. A space of bliss which is not polluted, corrupted, by insiduous thoughts, or feelings, or actions. A space of bliss which has always been ours. In that space we realize, we are home... or in a number of cases [see above]... homeless.

The Misunderstood Vampire

The vampire is one of the oldest, most resilient archetypes in modern media. It has existed in a variety of forms in nearly every culture around the world. Historically, vampire lore has reflected the values and social structures of the culture it has existed in. In the twentieth century, the United States became the focal point of the vampire genre. As the archetype became integrated into American culture, modern vampire media changed. Several cultural elements were responsible for these alterations. The American people's relationship with religion and spirituality were important elements of the changes. Also, the American fascination with a variety of scientific theories in the fields of evolutionary, medical and psychological science, were other forces that shaped vampire media in the modern era. Modern concepts of gender and sexuality also contributed to the dynamic alteration that occurred within vampire media in the last twenty-five years.

Okay... so I watched every last one of the Buffy The Vampire DVDs.

Buffy The Vampire Slayer, which spoke so eloquently to a media-literate savvy, self-aware audience, was witty, sardonic, complex and stylishly self-conscious. It worked on so many levels. It was a take on the horror genre, a soap opera about teenage and young adult angst, a bang-kapow action drama with plenty of fast-and-furious martial arts, and an exploration of modern and traditional storytelling. The scripts were more than just a bit inventive and the plots were always unpredictable, filled with a ton of sharp twists and even sharper turns. Buy the entire boxed DVD set. You'll inevitably thank me.